And how do you have adventures looking for it?

Part 1

It started with accidentally checking this book out of the library

Hardcore Zen: Punk Rock, Monster Movies, & the Truth about Reality by Brad Warner

I was in my second year of college. My life was semi normal. I had 2 cats, a boyfriend, lived by myself. But I was completely lost. I let my emotions control me and the stress of the world fill me.

There is a particular part of this book that I have read a dozens times. A very small paragraph{click on take a look inside and in the search bar type vw}, and I knew that I wanted more. In fact I spent more time studying zen buddhism that year then anything I was learning in college. I ordered countless books, went to a zen retreat in Nashville. Started mediating, and things became a lot clearer. My boyfriend at the time was very encouraging, in fact he mediated as well and he could see the effects this new knowledge was taking on my life. I started bringing up Buddhism at family events, talking to my siblings, and friends about my new found philosophy. And my once chaotic mind started to quiet. My life became a little too quiet. My boyfriend was absorbed in the band he was managing and I was very very lonely. So I decided to move to Canada for a few months. In all honesty this was me running away. I was about to move to Nashville with him, I had just gotten a puppy, and I was living in a house with my boyfriend and his brother. I wasn’t inspired by anything around me, and I just wanted change. So in December of 2006 we drove a small amount of my belongings from Tennessee to St. Catherines, Ontario. I mediated everyday there. I did yoga several times a week. I absorbed every moment of the quiet landscape, and read everything I could. Now that I look back at this, I see what a sincere person he was to help me do whatever it took to be inspired and happy. My family did the same supporting me financially and encouraging my endeavors in creative pursuits. I didn’t overcome any sort of amazing obstacles by doing this, there was no epiphanies. In fact I was so homesick that two months into my move, I flew home to Tennessee. But I did spend a long weekend in New York City by myself, and I did lots of exploring in Toronto. Once I was comfortable living there, it was time for me to go home. When I came back it took awhile to adjust, I had this beautiful dog to teach things to, and a loving boyfriend that was happy to see me come home. But I knew that being 21 and already letting go of what I wanted in life was a ridiculous answer to what I had found to be the truth. So I let him go to Nashville, and I stayed behind to finished up my program. In this time alone with my dog Bodh, I encountered more lessons of patience, frustration, and loneliness then I had by running away.

In fact my time spent with that dog over the next couple of years lead me to the place I am now. And I know this is exactly where I am suppose to be…..

Filed under: Teaching on May 28th, 2010